(Per)version of the truth: The decline of pursuit towards convergent truth

Submitted by Danny T.

The underlying theme to the Pokémon film, Mewtwo Strikes Back, is philosophy vs. complacency. Mewtwo, the antagonist in this film, represents philosophy. He is constantly searching for the meaning of his artificial existence; whereas, the Pokémon trainers, Pokémon, Giovanni, and Mew all represent the complacent approach to life. As the film begins, the narrator explains to the audience, “Life: the great miracle and the great mystery. Since the beginning, humans and Pokémon alike have searched for its meaning.”  This illustrates a bygone philosophical pursuit that has long been abandoned, as we soon come to understand.

The film brings the audience to Mewtwo’s sudden conception into the world. “Who am I? What am I? Why?” We can see the underlying philosophical theme being demonstrated in this scene. When Mewtwo is brought into the world of Pokémon by the hands of science, it represents the ignition of philosophical awakening sparked by the frustration of undervalued truth. Mewtwo hears scientists outside his stasis chamber commenting on his mental prowess. “His brain waves are surging”, Mewtwo then shatters the glass prison that holds him, and is now free; symbolically breaking the chains of the antiquated rhetoric that breeds intellectual complacency. Immediately following this scene Mewtwo begins to make inquiries to the circumstances of his creation, thusly revealing his introspective nature. The scientists’ insubstantial partial answers are typical of the sophist manner of complacence with half-truths. Mewtwo, seeing beyond the veil of lies, transubstantiates his curiosity with indignant rage, and then annihilates the laboratory he was given birth in. Emerging from the ashes, Mewtwo declares the magnitude of his power, thusly acknowledging the nigh-limitless potential of philosophy.

Immediately following Mewtwo’s liberation, a helicopter arrives, and we are introduced to Giovanni, who, in comparison to Mewtwo, sees the foolishness and folly of the sophistic scientists whom Mewtwo has murdered. Recognizing Mewtwo’s power, Giovanni extends his hand to Mewtwo as a supposed equal. No sooner does he offer his partnership to Mewtwo than does he begin to indoctrinate him into obedient complacency with his own brand of dogma. This establishes, in contrast with Mewtwo’s sincere intentions, Giovanni as a representation of the complacent institutions that pervert philosophical aim with antiquated doctrines, and supplanting that aim with complacent obedience.

Mewtwo, who is now taken under Giovanni’s wing, is given a protective suit of “armor.” This “armor” represents the control that modern institutions take over philosophical drive and the complacent attempt to “protect” the masses from their own curiosity. Mewtwo is now seen in a blackened room. Wires, which resemble puppet strings, now bind him. Mewtwo, who has become disenchanted with Giovanni’s doctrine, finally confronts the sanity assassin about his purpose in the world. Giovanni simply states, “To serve your master.” Giovanni, who has blinded Mewtwo with false hopes and dreams, is now revealed to be a master of puppets. Mewtwo becomes enraged by Giovanni’s sophistic answer. Now frantic, Mewtwo becomes a violent saint of anger, severing the wires that were bound to Giovanni’s never ending will. When Mewtwo says, “This cannot be my destiny; I was not born a Pokémon! I was created! My creators have used and betrayed me, so I stand alone!” he is rejecting the doctrine of the sophist institution that breeds complacency. When he sheds his protective “power suit” he sheds himself of his reliance on the dogma that has been binding his potential.

After his rejection of Giovanni’s doctrine, he returns to his philosophical pursuits, asking once again the questions “Who am I?” and “What is my true reason for being?” upon his return to the point of origin where he was created. Upon further introspection, he resolves to find his own purpose. And in doing so, Mewtwo comes to the resolve to purge the world of humans and Pokémon alike.

In contrast to the introspective undertakings that seem to concern Mewtwo, we are next introduced to the carefree Pokémon trainers, Brock, Misty, and the film’s protagonist, Ash.  These Pokémon trainers occupy themselves with far less abstract matters: food, work, and Pokémon battles. Such is the significance of frivolity, complacency, and triviality in their world. The trainers live in a world that thrives on monotony. We can observe a clear example of the Pokémon trainers’ carefree and insipid lifestyle when a Dragonite knocks over all their food that they just spent a great deal of time preparing while delivering mail and they seem relatively unbothered by that fact. The Pokémon trainers are invited to attend a Pokémon gathering with other select trainers, which is to be hosted by “The world’s greatest Pokémon trainer” True to their carefree and credulous natures; they readily accept this suspicious invitation. The only question any of them thinks to ask about this implausible proposition is “Is there a rewind button?”

Transitioning back to Mewtwo, we witness Mewtwo using his mental abilities to cause a massive storm, perfectly embodying the philosophical tide being created in the Pokémon universe by Mewtwo’s awakening.

Predictably, Ash and his companions rush for shelter to escape the danger of Mewtwo’s storm. They find their shelter inside a Pokémon center with a crowd of other trainers and their Pokémon. When a large crowd gathers at the gate, Ash and his companions learn that due to the storm, the ferry to New Island has been canceled. Upon further explanation, the harbor manager begins to explain her belief that the storm is connected to a prophecy based on ancient writings. She mentions legendary “Winds of Water” that are prophesied to wipe out all but “a few” Pokémon and then goes on to describe a cryptic verse in the ancient writings that says “in their sorrow… the water of their tears restored the lives lost in the storm” At this point, she cautions the Pokémon trainers that “There are no Pokémon tears today. Just waters no one can survive.” These statements acknowledge the general indifference and complacency in the world the Pokémon trainers live in. They also serve to foreshadow the grim consequences of this complacency.

In reaction to the news of the canceled ferry, a few of the Pokémon trainers decide that they will forego the harbor manager’s ominous warnings and make their way to New Island using their Pokémon. Ash manages to obtain transport to the island through Team Rocket, who disguise themselves as Vikings and offer to give Ash and his companions a ride in their wooden boat.  Being the ever complacent and charmingly indifferent protagonist that he is, Ash feels no need to ask any questions as he takes them up on their offer. As they go into the water, the harbor manager comments on how the Pokémon trainers will make great Pokémon masters for “following their hearts” against her own grave warnings. This makes clear the level of cocksure certainty that the acceptance of complacent methodology brings in the world of Pokémon.

Shortly after the protagonists and Team Rocket set off in their wooden boat, the boat is then capsized by a massive wave, and they are sucked beneath the tides. Caught way down in the undertow, the protagonists instinctively release their Pokémon in an effort to survive. This demonstrates how the Pokémon function as an enabling crutch for the Pokémon trainers’ acquired inability for self reliance, which they have complacently come to accept as being natural.

After Ash and his companions trudged Mewtwo’s storm, they arrive miraculously at Mewtwo’s island. There, they meet three other Pokémon trainers. After briefly introducing themselves to one another, Mewtwo makes a theatrical entrance, levitating himself down a spiral slide. This is important because the downward spiral that Mewtwo was descending down the middle of is a very clear foreshadowing of his eventual downward spiral into complacency. After making his grandiose entrance, Mewtwo declares himself to be the greatest Pokémon trainer in the world.  He does this despite clearly being a Pokémon. This defiant act of standalone counter-culture clearly demonstrates Mewtwo’s will to break away from the complacent codes of conduct imposed upon him in the world of Pokémon. The perceived audacity of such an assertion incites not only anger, but indignation from the complacent Pokémon trainers. One such Pokémon trainer even states outright that “A Pokémon can’t be a Pokémon master!” Mewtwo responds to this philistine’s outburst with a vulgar display of power, and tosses him aside. But before he does so, he states that he is now the one that makes the rules. This demonstrates Mewtwo’s lack of patience with the complacent humans of the Pokémon world, as well as his newfound desire to replace their institution with one of his own. The trainer responds in the only way that he knows best: He sends his most powerful Pokémon to fight for his damaged pride. Mewtwo also tosses this contender aside. In doing so, he asserts his lack of hesitation or compromise against any opposition which may serve as an obstacle to free himself from the binds of complacency.

Mewtwo declares that humans are a dangerous species and that they created him as a slave. He then goes on to state that he has found his own purpose in destroying their world to create his own. Mewtwo’s desire to destroy, and break free from the complacent and oppressive reality that he sees as dangerous, and yet is forced to live in, has motivated him to liberate himself with extreme aggression. In contrast to Mewtwo’s view of the complacent human world as oppressive and dangerous, Pikachu steps forth to defend the traditional way of life by stating that Pokémon are not the slaves of humanity, but friends. Mewtwo promptly rejects this complacent and credulous notion and states that believing such naïve concepts makes him “as pathetic as the rest” right before telekinetically throwing him into his “friend,”  Ash.

After Mewtwo tosses aside Pikachu, another trainer states, “If you are Pokémon, there’s no reason I can’t capture you.” Here we see another attempt to control, undermine, and suppress Mewtwo’s philosophical will using the ways of the pre-established institutions which he is complacently accustomed to. Mewtwo effortlessly tosses the Pokémon aside and says, “Fools, your Pokémon attacks won’t weaken me, my power too great! No trainer can conquer me.” This statement reflects how Mewtwo has broken free of the traditional ways of the Pokémon world. He cannot be bound by the establishment set in place by the static and underdeveloped inhabitants within the current Pokémon universe. Ash, who has witnessed Mewtwo’s power, comes to the arrogant resolve that if challenged to a traditional Pokémon battle, he might have a chance at defeating Mewtwo. Mewtwo whole-heartedly accepts Ash’s cocksure challenge.

Mewtwo then uses his psychic power to wake the clones he has artificially created. The clones become clearly observable in a clone machine that Mewtwo rebuilt. This clone machine represents Mewtwo’s own doctrine being formed from his philosophical drive, and is an indication of the seemingly inevitable transition that takes place from philosophical inspection to new rhetoric and doctrines. From this revised version of the previous devices of the complacent, we see new creations being formed: cloned Pokémon. And in their spawning from Mewtwo’s poison god machine, we see the enemies of reality; the reality that the Pokémon trainers and their Pokémon have all complacently grown accustomed to. These are the Pokémon Mewtwo has chosen as his answer to the complacent doctrines of what he sees as an antiquated world. From this answer, he has developed a new level of confidence and power. When introducing this newly developed war party to the Pokémon trainers, Mewtwo makes note of how he has fashioned an improved version of the traditional starter Pokémon. This clearly illustrates Mewtwo’s intention to realize the potential of philosophical thought by replacing the complacent Pokémon with “superior versions” that are strong enough to handle change and conflict. In comparison to Mewtwo’s self-assured sense of new found power, the trainers view the clones as nothing more than fake; they are certain of what has already been established.

They begin a traditional Pokémon tournament, choosing to fight fire with fire by pitting their starter Pokémon against Mewtwo’s clone equivalents. No matter their choice of tactics, the Pokémon trainers’ starter Pokémon are easily overwhelmed, further validating Mewtwo’s disdain for the complacent rhetoric as being a confining hindrance to personal development.

Once the original starter Pokémon and their trainers have been effortlessly dealt with, Mewtwo decides to claim their Pokémon as a prize, in order to clone them into “superior” versions, which he plans to repopulate the Pokémon world with. With a stubbornness to match Mewtwo’s tenacity, Ash defiantly tells Mewtwo they won’t “let” him do it; adamantly refusing to discard his obsolete system of hierarchy between trainer and Pokémon. His futile attempt at asserting authority over such an aggressive perfector is answered with an imposing declaration: “Do not defy me. This is my world now.” Domination has now consumed Mewtwo and calls him a friend.  Despite what the Pokémon trainers do, they cannot prevent Mewtwo from enacting this edict.

In the scene where Ash blindly throws himself into the cloning machine to save his Pikachu, he once again displays the false sense of security that has been instilled in him from years of complacent acceptance of the traditional arrangement. The cloning machine is then broken. This shows how unquestioning adherence to traditional rule can eventually destroy philosophical potential, if it is unyielding and tenacious enough. In the destruction of this cloning machine, the original Pokémon are free to persevere and challenge the newly developed clones that embody Mewtwo’s vision of philosophical enhancement.

In comparison to how humans use Pokémon, Mewtwo used humans as pawns to build his new world, by possessing Nurse Joy and by stealing their Pokémon. This foreshadows Mewtwo’s eventual decline from being a dissident aggressor towards enacting his own inevitable form of complacent design, because he is beginning to undermine his philosophical drive towards freedom with the same oppressive methods used by those that preceded him.

As Mewtwo prepares for total war, intending to take no prisoners, Ash once again continuously asserts that he will not “let” Mewtwo enact his plans. As Mewtwo responds with an expected blast of homicidal force, Mew interjects with a defensive bubble to protect Ash from damage. Mew acts as an embodiment of the old methodology, cushioning Ash from the harsh impact of Mewtwo’s revolutionary intent. In contrast to Mewtwo, Mew starts off as rather passive, fleeing from Mewtwo’s adversarial onslaught and trying to avoid the conflict, as is the typical initial reaction from those that would rather be complacent. Mew does not want to have to deal with the conflict of opposition. Mewtwo, however, is unafraid of this conflict. Mewtwo is driven to prove the superiority of his radical new paradigm changing vision to the antiquated arrangements of the past.

After enough confrontation, Mewtwo finally provokes Mew into facing him. When this happens, Mewtwo finally faces a challenging opposition which he can use as a decisive symbol of his dominance and superiority. Believing himself to be a sort of indestructible master of war, Mewtwo makes note before the final confrontation that Mew’s Pokémon are weak and spineless, perfectly capturing the main fault that Mewtwo finds in complacency. When Mew argues that special abilities mean nothing, and that a Pokémon’s true strength comes from the heart, what Mew really means is that what one already knows is what is truly right and valuable. Mew believes that all the power and potential that Mewtwo has harnessed with his philosophical introspection is pointless and cheap. In a defensive rage, Mewtwo obliges to play at Mew’s game and win by blocking his Pokémon’s special abilities, failing to realize that in playing Mew’s game of self imposed constraint, he undermines his aim to unleash the true potential of philosophical pursuit. This is his true beginning down the path of complacency. We can see this being demonstrated in how he and all his “super Pokémon” begin to mirror their opposition after suppressing their own potential. At one point, original and clone become practically indistinguishable from one another.

Now staring into the reflection of their own complacent ideals, the trainers begin to lament the conflict between both sides, commenting that nobody can truly win this fight. This indicates the complacent nature of those who refuse to weather the turmoil of philosophical pursuit under the pretense that nothing can possibly be gained in the end. Their constant lamentation of “fighting” is a stunning display of their adamant aversion to conflict and the cost it takes to endure such conflict. Their inability to recognize the hypocrisy of condemning Mewtwo’s coercion of other Pokémon into violence is a clear demonstration of their refusal to explore the conflicting turmoil of introspective pursuits. Their initial statements of distrust at the Pokémon who are “made differently”  from themselves is an indication of their refusal to accept things that are different from what they’ve complacently come to accept as part of their world scheme. With the will to fight slowly draining from the clones as they begin to mirror their original counterparts, one of the clones begins to point out the many similarities which are now apparent between the two, and his original begins to note that since the two are so similar, they should end their hostilities. This depicts the willingness of those who are medicated with the intellectual numbness of blind complacency to co-exist with others, only once those begin to parallel what they themselves are accustomed to.

Ash watches the hostility and conflict between these two forces that are becoming more and more like each other and finally decides that he needs to end their fighting. Ash realizes that their mutually assured destruction could cause a rift in the idyllic reality he has grown accustomed to, now that the opposite side has reached a state of familiarity. True to his complacent nature, he does not question his impulse to “sacrifice” himself in order to preserve the status quo. This marks his adamant and total unacceptance of any possible change, and once he becomes petrified from the blast, this refusal to accept change becomes symbolically set in stone.

If Ash had taken even a slight moment to question his course of action, he may have come to the realization to his own death would result in a drastic and unacceptable change in the reality of those around him, which in turn, would also spark emotional and intellectual turmoil in the world of Pokémon. Because of this, Pikachu first tries to resuscitate Ash with thunderbolts, but to no avail. It is at this stunning realization that something has drastically changed in the reality of the Pokémon world, and seemingly for the permanent, that all the Pokémon begin to weep. This weeping is their expression of longing for comfort, safety, and familiarity in a world where the status quo is more important than anything else. With the ideal of safety and familiarity no longer merely threatened, but destroyed outright, and their aversion to change now symbolically set in stone, their tears become a cohesive agent to help heal and repair the shattered existence they once knew. In the outpouring mass of healing tears, the Pokémon express their sense of longing for the comfortable, safe and familiar. With this, their adherence to the complacent doctrine is firmly unified and Ash is resurrected, symbolically representing the return of complacent lifestyle in the world of Pokémon.

Mewtwo now realizes that these frail beings cannot truly endure or withstand the harsh reality of change when he sees them weeping.  With his newfound sense of pity for them, Mewtwo comes to realize that it is for the best to set aside his differences and allow them to live in their delusional certainty. Upon this realization, he comes to the conclusion that it is not only for the best that he leave, and take his superior Pokémon with him, but erase their memories in order to fully restore the status quo as it originally existed before he got involved with their world. He mentions that he still intends to exist in a way where he and his stronger Pokémon can continue to live as they originally intended, but separately from the others so that the others can continue living life in their persistent vegetative state. However, in his acceptance of their inability to cope with a change in their fantasy state of reality, Mewtwo has unknowingly become something he once despised: complacent.

The Pokémon trainers are now warped back to the Pokémon center they had taken shelter in to escape Mewtwo’s storm. Having no memory of how they arrived at the Pokémon center in the first place, Ash displays a glimmer of hope for philosophical potential by asking, “Hey, how did we get here in the first place?” This almost compares to what Mewtwo very first asked about:  his existence in the Pokémon world. His question is shut down by Misty’s complacently sophist answer, “Well I… guess we’re just here because we’re here” Such is the manner of answering every million dollar question, in the world of Pokémon. Hope for Ash and the others ever achieving any sort of philosophical potential seems lost as Ash promptly shrugs it off and says: “Yeah, let’s eat” returning their full attention to mundane and practical matters such as simple hunger. On cue for this denial of intellectual growth, some random person calls out to look outside, which they do unquestioningly. As they go outside to see what was so important, they see that a “miracle” has happened. The tides have subsided and are replaced by static tranquility. The philosophical tide in the Pokémon world is dead, and this is the final product. The inhabitants of the world of Pokémon are free to continue living life in the same manner they always had, with no sign of change, for better or for worse, anywhere in sight.

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15 Responses to (Per)version of the truth: The decline of pursuit towards convergent truth

  1. Nate says:

    I helped write this. We submitted this as an essay to troll Danny’s English class. We decided to make this after we saw this video overanalyzing Jurassic Park which was used as an example of what she wanted for a paper. Danny said “Hey Nate, I bet you could make a video like this about ANYTHING. Let’s write a paper on the Pokemon First movie” and I was like “YES!!! HAHAHAHAHA!” And THIS is what we wrote! His teacher graded it 105/100! HAHAHA!

  2. Nate says:

    After we wrote this, Danny said he never wanted to see that movie again. In fact, it seems he doesn’t want to speak of it or anything related to Pokemon ever again! HAHAHA! Seriously, that film was SO stupid and inconsistent! You have NO IDEA how hard it was finding a way to bullshit some sort of CONSISTENCY for this paper! It took A LOT of brainstorming and A LOT of intentionally pseudo-intellectual mental masturbation to make this paper! I hope you enjoyed it!

  3. Phill says:

    Nice one, Danny and Nate. I also caught the various metal band references littered about the text.

    • Nate says:

      Thanks Phil! If you wanna know what ON EARTH inspired us to go through so much trouble to WAAAYYYY overanalyze this crapsterpiece, here’s the video that Danny’s English teacher (who was ACTUALLY a pretty good teacher) liked and used as an example of the assignment (describing an underlying theme to a film and using examples FROM the film to support your thesis) here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GizoZRekt74

  4. AJB says:

    Troll or not, this is quite interesting (even if only for pseudo-intellectual attention-seeking).
    In this rebuttal, some of the arguments may seem more aggressive/directed at the writer than intended; I’m not used to writing essays in the second person, so my second person addresses are a bit blunt. I sincerely found it to be a really interesting essay and hope you don’t get the wrong impression.

    Though you probably have this covered, I don’t think Mewtwo was all too convincing in his rebellion against the status quo- his ‘new world’ ultimately being the same as the old world, only reconstructed through means of world domination (an idea learned from the patriarch Giovanni). Mewtwo’s desire to use clones of pokemon; the tools through which the prior society had been constructed- not the move of free philosophical discovery, but that of someone unwilling to escape from certain dimensions of the world he allegedly abhors.

    As for his alleged representation of free-flowing philosophy on a wider scale, you don’t seem to take into account that Mewtwo joined Geovanni in the first place because, as an all-powerful pokemon (and thus safe from harm) with a fetal moral compass (or at least, not having fine-tuned his sense of ethics to the point of having a reason not to join up with this strange man), he had no reason to do anything else (or anything at all, for that matter). At this point, Mewtwo is not moral or immoral; his position is amoral, or perhaps more aptly, premoral. Mewtwo ‘learns’ his eventual desire to dominate from Giovanni, whose megalomania absorbs him and those he influences (Mewtwo included). Giovanni becomes an oedipal father figure for Mewtwo as a source of both conflict and the origin of the latter’s ambition to prove himself; if Mewtwo was, as you argued, a platonically free individual at the beginning of the film, it was the rhetoric and influence of Geovanni that gave him the desire to impose his philosophy on others, and despite Mewtwo’s violence against him, Geovanni’s countercultural dogma (and desire to change the world through domination) is what comes to define the seemingly omnipotent pokemon as his raison d’etre. Despite his pro-pokemon rhetoric, Mewtwo only really leaves Geovanni as a coming-of-age desire to assert himself as an autonomous power (he clearly doesn’t fully believe in the rights of fellow pokemon because he opted to enslave and capture his fellow brethren later on; Mewtwo is guilty of perverting “philosophical aim with antiquated doctrines”; a crime you had accused Geovanni of).

    It is the idea of a raison d’etre that forms the second answer to your essay; you dismiss Ash and the other trainers as simply cohering to the socially accepted walks of life, in your eyes a stagnant acceptance of culturally-asserted dogma and their surrender to the monotonous complacency that follows. This is not a bad point. However, where you see it as their failure, it is also a possible mark of their superiority over Mewtwo. One of the oldest philosophical questions is the priority of rightness or happiness, and each group classify one side of the fence; Ash/trainers as blissfully ignorant and Mewtwo as living a life of woeful philosophical enquiry. However, whilst Ash and co. were given the opportunity to follow either (enquiry or happiness), Mewtwo was created without a cultural master narrative to follow and seek happiness from (ie, becoming a pokemon master), and is therefore forced to be a philosopher. Whilst this gives him the power of a blank canvass and unlimited potential of independent growth, he has no understanding of how he ought to (or indeed, what he would consider ‘growth’), underlining the importance of a cultural helping hand in our own development as platonic beings. In fact, Mewtwo’s adherence to the ways of the first patriarch he meets (Giovanni) insinuate his desire to be happy (through ultimately using Geovanni as a cultural centre to understand what happiness is and how to pursue it) as opposed to right, until Mewtwo finally becomes disillusioned with the newfound social contract after Giovanni (the incarnation of the moral comfort-blanket that society becomes) breaks it, condemning the system by its own rules. Ash has no single patriarchal figure (although ironically this could arguably be the identity-less officer jennys), and so would never have to face this cultural betrayal.

    Effectively I don’t disagree with your perspective; it’s an enlightening take on a contested text.
    However, I offer a different interpretation; whilst yours argues Mewtwo as an incarnation of the power of philosophy eventually being harnessed, mine is the rather simpler idea that we have a clash of coming-of-age stories; Ash with an established cultural identity and sense of self (and the pre-defined moral code and ambitions that follow) versus Mewtwo and his open, limitless potential for growth as a thinking being.
    Any thoughts/counter-arguments would be appreciated, and I really must thank you for reading this block of text to the end.

    • Chris says:

      Doth thou fathom this concept known as turgidity? Methinks doth protest too much. Though thine shit polishing skill is without peer , the linchpin of thine craft doth remain shit.

  5. Danny and Nate says:

    Hello, AJB, Nate and Danny here. We have taken a look at your intriguing take on our interpretation of the cinematic classic: Pokémon – the first movie. After showing it to the trained monkeys we hired to write our original essay, we had a quick pow-wow (and decided to include the monkeys for intellectual feedback) and upon which, we formulated a critique on your critique of our… umm… examination? Here it goes…
    A) This is a fucking Pokémon movie, there is no actual underlying theme; henceforth, our decision to parody over analysis in the first place. What better place to post such a bombastic display of pseudo-intellectual masturbation? We figured the people here would surely appreciate our pointless endeavor for what it is, rather than indulging in it.

    B) When writing a critical analysis (lol) of a literary piece (lol again) be sure to write in third person, not second or first.
    C) You failed grasp the satire of the essay, in which you transmogrified it into an actual piece of critical review. This, however, is of course exactly what we were originally parodying.

    D) The only critical thinking truly involved when writing this piece, really, was the critical thinking to realize that overly analyzed scenes in movies are not so much accurate as they are pretentious. That, along with the critical over-contemplation that we put into trying to bullshit this stupid, asinine children’s film into making any sense after popping open a few beers, when the writers -and CERTAINTLY the dubbers- couldn’t give a single flying fuck about this crappy children’s show.
    E) We have noticed that you’ve taken a philosophy class or two. One of us also has taken classes on the subject. **dismissive wank** Dropped it within the first week.
    F) “Raison d’etre?” Seriously dude? Really? Forrealz? No. Stop it.
    G) Thanks for enjoying the fruits of our hard labors and reminding us what inspired us to write this crapsterpiece in the first place.
    Despite the critique we have decided to apply to your expertly crafted counterargument to our essay on Pokeyman, we find your point of view to be nonetheless interesting. You are indeed the very best… that no one ever was.

    • AJB says:

      Troll and Trollier; as a former student of English Literature, I have had three years’ worth of reading into unnecessary discussion; it’s not called ‘academic’ for nothing. As such, your assertion that this particular literary piece is ‘asinine’ by merit of its target audience betrays your deep misunderstanding of what you ought to have been parodying; we can agree that the target was your teacher’s/classmates’ assumption that literature is capable of affecting people in profound ways. However, rather than parody the study of ‘moving’ pieces by applying real critical discourse to something they wouldn’t see as conventionally thought-provoking (and put their beliefs in a prioritised ‘High Literature’ canon at risk of reassessment), you took the low road of “something written for children can be talked about, therefore nothing should be talked about” with a juvenile smirk and the smug self-satisfaction that naturally comes from being an ass about a topic people care about. You then decided to send your masterpiece to a website about overanalyzations so that they would “appreciate [your] pointless endeavor for what it is, rather than indulging in it”; begging the question of what you consider the line of demarcation between the two. You clearly believe appreciation from this website to be a circlejerk around the belated realisation that academic study is academic, rather than someone entertaining your ideas and continuing the stream of thought (not to mention your primary argument) in the tongue-in-cheek tone observed religiously by its patrons. In short, your egotism superseded your intrigue, and an even more pointless stream of ad hominems will ensue because of it.

      At the end of the day neither side took this critique particularly seriously; I’d hoped against hope that we could engage in amateurish literary debate with a vague understanding that it becomes an interesting discussion despite all the pointlessness. However, you saw that I chose charmander and answered “well in that case, i’ll play digimon”.

      “Trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls” ad infinitum.

  6. Norberto says:

    Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article! It’s the little changes which will make the most significant changes. Thanks for sharing!

    • Nate says:

      @Norberto: Umm.. Norberto, WTF are you talking about? There was no advice in this article, except maybe in our dickish response to that AVB guy. There was only pseudo-intellectual masturbation.

  7. Danny says:

    AJB,now you see what we were doing in the first place! Being an ass! Oh, and before you get all huffy-puffy and assume I do not take the subject of English literature serious, I very much do. IN FACT I am majoring in the subject. This was an attempt at satire, nothing more. Nothing profound, nothing thought provoking, just satire. Other students submitted papers on artsy fartsy films, and I submitted one on Pokemon and it was the best damn one. In all honesty, I hate writing serious papers on books and movies, and I will take any chance I get to make fun of my assignments. That is not to say I am not a serious writer, I just prefer writing thought provoking allegories, short stories, and poems.

    Now if you want to talk about an ACTUAL piece of literature with profound undertones, please contact me!

    I have very few people to talk to about literature =).

    Oh, and one more thing. If you are a fan of the metal genre, you would know right away that this was a satire. There tons of allusions to metal songs by different metal bands. Hell the paper is named after a Mudvayne song.

  8. Nate says:

    AVB, “a topic people care about”? Pokemon? Really? Besides, after we were finished writing that, Danny just couldn’t take any more “thinking” about Pokemon in such a way. Trust me, writing that paper was a lot of bullshitting. By the time we were finished, it had stopped being fun, so in no way did we want to take your serious attempt at continuing the analysis for shits and giggles. We just wanted to have a good laugh at the various metal references and the fact that some of Danny’s classmates took it seriously. Sorry if our response was kind of dickish, but we weren’t being serious there either. We refused to take Pokemon seriously any further. We were just tired of it, dude.

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